the dancers from JAIME's SHUTTER with CAREN CARINO n JAIME REDFERN  

my creation... crissy lookin innocent 

worn out shoes... worn out feet... 

backstage at the victoria theatre in april during swan song... daph me n emily....way too much make up on.... 

me n lyn at riverwalk... she was sick i was tired and high... back in the days of my super straight long black hair.... 

oh my gawd.... my keyboard is actually dusty... i haven't touched my comp for gawd noes how long... man!!! aniwae... life's been preety much the same... topsy turvy la as per normal la...

i had a good and useful talk yesterday... hung out wit bekky for awhile n shopped for make-up... so that was fun... got to see marc nd and the boyz for awhile at jubilee and met soNg at city hall after... man we talked for a long long tyme...

i feel like my life is back on track now.... feel like deferring this sem... but i've come so far... i shouldn't end it jus like tat... i need some positive advice.... man....!!!

oh ya by the way... gina... thank u so much... ur like the little sister that gives big sister advice... realli u ar... thank u so much... m so grateful...

to my sweetie markie...
happie twenty-first...
i alwis love you... and care for u....
and m alwis here for u aite...

to my best bitching partner....
i hope ur life is filled with love everyday...
but im sure it is cause im in in... hahahaha...

happie birthday baby boy!!!

ur at the age of being is legal... and its magic...

jus haf to see who u spend it with... hahaha

***a day in the life of me***

woke up at five today... man that was crazy my body jus auto woke up... steady or what!! re-typed my essay and re-sent.... and guess wat... found out five mins ago... IT GOT ACCEPTED!!!!! Yipee!!!!!!!! i promised the mighty one above i'd be celibate (as in from sex) for a month... man!!! mulu this is going to be hard....!!!! wahahaha!!!!

caught a cab with jen to skool.. glad i did... gave me time to hang with my baby boy for awhile n it reali energized me ballz... mulu hee hee....skool was great.... ankle hurt like fuck but i still think i did my best especially in contemporary... i think i got my boost from my mornin smoke...!! jazz was cool... m plannin to take lyrical jazz at LADC tmr... hopefully i can afford la... wahahaha...

there was no CHINGAY today.... oh ya hold up... nd n me told yarra that CHINGAY was the asian version of mardi gras and she fell for it..... haha... she's so cute... so ya there was no CHINGAY today and so ND, soNg, daph and myself went to parkway to eat at this SHANHAINESE place... quite groovy... they make all their food on the spot even their noodles... but the banana dessert... ummm i think it screwed up my tummy...

went to bugis after to get farkin leather shoes with ribbons and a burgundy leaotard cause thats our uniform for ballet class now... can u believe it.... we have a freakin uniform.... man!!!!
m at work now... damn sian... m so embarressed bout my job but its cool... finish in an hour... cant wait to leave man... its so cold in here... at least i can use comp all... hee hee... k la... i betta go do shite n pretend to look busy... heee heee hee hee....

i haTe hIde n sEek.........

i reali hate having to play hide n seek with my feelings...

i dun wanna hide what i feel...

din go n observe classes today... knocked out from the time i came back last nyte rite up till nine plus this mornin... woke up had a shower, breakfast n went back rite to bed... again.... haha...

watched abit of tv for a awhile n got ready to go.... where else u mite guess.... i went to skool...!!! hahah... i know i know abit psycho.... went down to hang... had a drink with soNg opposite.. n finally found my NIRVANA ciggiw box thanx to GINA who found it and thanx to YARRA who helped me get it... whoopie... thanks guys...

hung around in skool for awhile till soNg had to go for class den left and went n met my godma and grandma.... chrissy and cam came to parkway after that.... chriss got her money from her ma so we went to the MANGO sale on her treat.... very the happy....!!!! i haven't been shopping in so so so damn long.... man... i've been keeping my money so tight lately its insane... i'm not even being a proper sugga mama to by baby boy... hahaha... hey at least i still pay wen i can wheneva we eat rite... fucker...

well m home now... realised two out of the three tops i bot a tinsy bit too tight for me... aha... it me bloating again... mood swings... bloating... sore boobs... absolutely no bladder control... all these n to imagine its jus cause my periods comin... eh im not what ur thinkin aite...

**michelle rodriguez** 

song at alex....

a big shout out to my baby boy soNg.... thank u so damn much for bein with me yesterday wen i needed ur company... u da best my babay boy... signing out... sugga mama....

at that particular time....

like most of the songs ALANIS writes... this particular one is jus as beautiful and meaningful to me as her very other many... but this one in particular touches me so damn much cause i feel i relate to it so damn much...

the song is off her 3rd album - UNDER RUG SWEPT... which i never listen much to in comparison to her first two albums... thanks to markie... i've come back to touch with her music again... n damn...........................

i mean..... i've had my fare share of screwed up relationships in the past... n i wish i had this song to listen to earlier... haha... i wanna share the irony of her words with u guys cause i realli think its so damn beautiful... she's an amazing lyricist... is that wat u call them...??? haha....

AT THAT PARTICULAR TIME

my foundation was rocked
my tried and true way to deal was to vanish
my departures were old I stood in the room shaking in my boots
at that particular time love had challenged me to stay
at that particular moment I knew not run away again
that particular month I was ready to investigate with you
at that particular time

we thought a break would be good
for four months we sat and vacillated
we thought a small time apart would clear up the doubts
that were abounding

at that particular time love encouraged me to wait
at that particular moment it helped me to be patient
that particular month we needed time to marinate in what "us"meant

I've always wanted for you what you've wanted for yourself
and yet I wanted to save us high water or hell
and I kept on ignoring the ambivalence you felt and
in the meantime I lost myself
in the meantime I lost myself
I'm sorry I lost myself?-.i am
you knew you needed more time time spent alone
with no distraction
you felt you needed to fly solo
and high to define what you wanted

at that particular love encouraged me to leave
at that particular moment I knew staying with you
meant deserting me
that particular month was harder than you'd believe
but I still left
at that particular time

daddy k 3rd to cutie pie in the mean time... hahaha

like I've got a bad diseasefrom my brain is where i bleed insanity it seems it's got me by my soul to squeeze Where's all the love for me with all the dying trees i scream The angels in my dreams yeah they turn to demons of greed thats me Where I go I just dont know I've got to got to gotta take it slow When I find my piece of mind I'm gonna give ya some of my good time Today love smiled on me it took away my pain say please Oh let your ride be free you gotta let it be oh yeah Where I go I just dont know I've got to gotta gotta take it slow When I find my piece of mind I'm gonna give ya some of my good time Oh so polite indeed well I've got everything i need Oh make my days of greed and take away my self-destruction

It's bitter baby and its very sweet

I'm on a roller coaster but I'm on my feet

Take me to the river lay me on your shore

Well I'll be comin back baby

I'll be comin back for more

Do do do do ding go sing a dong bong go

Ding ba domba somba nomba cong dong bing

I could not forget but I will not endeavor

Simple pleasures aren't as special

But I wont regret it never

Where I go I just dont know I've got to got to gotta take it slow When I find my piece of mind I'm gonna give ya some of my good time Where i go i just don't know I might end up somewhere in Mexico When I find my piece of mind I'm gonna keep it for the end of time

life's a B***H!!!!!!!!

i'm home... restin my ankle cause of what happened yesterday... feel like fuck cause was supposed to hang out with soNg after skool like we planned... wed we both finish early n thot of hanging out... aiyah... some more he so sweet he got all dressed up and stuff... hahaha... watta baby boy....

song is finally turning of legal age to do shit this month... groovy baby.... we're finally gonna go to zouk n party legally... n den i'm plannin to get my baby boy laid by a COUPLE of hot chicks.... im thinkin' - two's a crowd, three's company, and four's an ORGY baby... m i rite m i rite... hahaha

ok ok so i'm talkin weird... i think its the medication... damnnit!!! its turnin me wonky... i haven't seen a doctor... tho i think i reali reali need too.... ankle is hurting where i fractured it the last time n man it hurts so damn bad...

aah....!!!!

well i m a goona spend the rest of my day at my gramps... m bored here at home plus my mum's turnin psycho on me.... aaaahhhh....

gonna try drivin later... dun think i shud be doin it with my ankle in this state... but m gonna try aniwae... hahaha... wahahahahaha.... medication its the medication i telll u... its turning me insane...

the colour purple

u put all this thots into my head...

i cant stand the way u do what u do....mulu

u noe i'm in love with u...

i cant stand being apart from u but i cant help it...

i noe for sure u'll never leave me...mulu

but im so afraid i'll leave u someday...

what if that day comes...??

will u eva hate me so much u wish me dead...

all these thots i haf in my head, i noe u say i shouldn't think so much...

but i cant help it...

everything with u is so so damn beautiful...

its everything i wanted in my life... mulu

yet it feels like nothing...

its like we're together but not together...

its so so sad...

i wish u'll jus be mine completely...

jus COMPLETELY....mulu

all i wanna do is make love to you..... by heart.....

kill bill... no wait kill ricky.... hahahaha

been reali busy at skool the whole of last week.... had rehearsals almost everyday leading up to the REN CI show sunday nite 09/01... so damn fun... was so stressed, was balancing skool work n rehearsals... but it all worked out good... cause i had a real good tyme meeting alll my favourite stars especially michelle chia!!!!! she is so damn nice... not diva at all man....!!!!!!!!

but aniwae that's y i haven't been so free to update my blog... alot has been goin on in my life man... its so crazy... was awfully depressed bout so many things... thank god for marc n alanis morisette... haha... the two best advice givers... n thank god for soNg... he alwis alwis alwis puts a smile on my face... mulu...

its oney the first two weeks of skool n i missed bout three ballet classes alreadi... DAMMIT!!! wats worse today in CHINGAY rehearsals i think i mite haf sprained my ankle.. had ricky for my partner... can u believe it the whole of last sem i was prayin for it n now... i farkin regret... we we were doin lifts n he totally whipped me before i was ready.... n i landed rite on my medial side where i farkin fractured my ankle the las tyme... damn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and according to mun i'm not doin the lift rite... fark man, of course im not... cause i dun farkin noe how to do it... shit u.. i noe u've more or less been a damn good partner to me but u try being lifted man...!!!

its coming... its coming.... hahahahaha

to all u sick asses out there, the thing that is coming is the RenCi Charity show... haha... rehearsals are running till very late every nite and its been hard cause we jus started skool on monday and balancing it both is reali damn hard...

skool's been fun... i mean reali fun... i've been having random spurts of excitement.. haha... dunno if thats the proper way to express it but seriously... if u ONLY knew.... placement class on monday was by NG KIn wEEEeeeEEE.... it was ok la... quite upset with myself about my placing but i knoe i'm much much more comfortable where i am... i seriously am... fuck la ok la im not in level 3 for anything... but fuck i dun gif a damn... i reli dun man... at least fee-cher(albert) is teaching me.... hee hee... so happy... feeling oney...

oh ya oh ya before i forget... thanks markie for all the advice last nyte... reali appreciate it... reali do... i love u for being who u r... and u show me so damn much love i dunno if i can ever reciprocate how much gratitude i haf for all the things u've done for me over the years...

well i din go to ballet today... wen n OVER-paid my handphone bill... shit!!!! had breakfast with tiffy (he hates wen i call him dat) was late for class also la its not his fault... so dun feel bad k tiffy... wahaha... i'm so full of it today...

had my fir